Call & abetment / šaukimas ir raginimas

I thank my God every time I remember you. <...>
(Ph 1:9-11)
"And this is my prayer:
that your love may abound more and more
in knowledge and depth of insight,
so that you may be able to discern
WHAT IS BEST
AND MAY BE PURE AND BLAMELESS
until the day of Christ,
FILLED WITH THE FRUIT OF RIGHTEOUSNESS
that comes through Jesus Christ -
TO THE GLORY & PRAISE OF GOD."

My beautiful Vilnius, which I miss :)
Užupis, a region where poor artists & rich businessmen blend together
A bohemic part of Vilnius.

I have made You too small in my eyes

I have made You too small in my eyes

Oh Lord, forgive me
And I have believed in a lie
That You were unable to help me

This song has been echoeing in my ears
Already for some time
And I realize that this is
What I have been doing
Without even noticing that.

But now, o Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show Yourself strong,
And in my eyes and with my song
O Lord, be magnified,
O Lord, be magnified!

I think, I consciously understood
what I am doing after the strong prayer
with African brothers & sister.

I saw that I am reducing God
And His power
over our lifes because
I've been having
many difficulties at the same time
which demanded me to change
but change is painful
and costs a lot of energy.
Well, this is probably the cost
of our creation,
of new life in Christ.

Be magnified, o Lord,
You are highly exalted
And there is nothing You can't do
O Lord, my eyes are on You.
Be magnified,
O Lord, be magnified!

The central buildings of my ex-university: Vilnius University, LT: www.delfi.lt

Jurgos mirtis / The difficult death

Today the famous Lithuanian writer & painter, Jurga Ivanauskaitė died. Her modern & original works influenced many people. She has received the National Premium and is known in the foreign countries. The book "A witch and rain" which I was reading not long time ago, is written by her. I really liked it. From this book I understood that she was a Christian. I didn't know because she used to travel to Tibet and other countries where buddhism rules. Thus, today at the age of 45 she died because of cancer. It was about a year she was diagnosed, it was about a year she was waiting for her death. The main goal of her books is to mirror the dark sides of ourselves, to stay in difficult experiences & to grow/enrich ourselves through them.

A picture is from www.delfi.lt

Vasario 16-ta / Independence Day of Lithuania

Sienos atsidarė prieš 16 metų.
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On the 16th of February Lithuania is celebrating its Independence Day. In 1991 we received social & political independence from Russia. However, Russia is still having big economical power over Lithuania.
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I wasn't able to celebrate it in the Netherlands because it is a working day here :) But the day was very productive, I am really glad about it.

A picture by me: the ruined defense wall, Vilnius, Lithuania.

Tai dar nepalaidota meilė

Garso vibracijoms

iš kolonėlės vingiuojant
Mėnuliui tirpstant migloje
Ateina tyla
Viršugalvy mano sustoja
Angelo ranka
galvą paglosto
Ir žiūri skradžiai
į mano širdį
Išsitraukia raktus
ir man besimuistant
vartus atrakina

paplūsta tiesa
patvinsta ore
Nebijok, - taria Viešpats,
Aš būsiu su tavimi.

A picture made by me: one of cozy inner yards, Vilnius, Lithuania.

Ašaros tirpdo ledus / Tears melt the ice

Sometimes
like today
I learn to trust
people
again

And
I can't believe
that people
can
be so good

We are
waiting now
for my work permit

I pray for it
But if I
don't get it,
then I am already
owing money,
and I don't even have
anything to
pay back

So we talked
with my
manager
about it
and he said
if you don't get work
permit, then
you don't have to
pay me back

"Jij zal niet van dit
rijker worden
en ik zal niet van
dit armer worden"

So this evening
I received an e-mail
from him
that he would
really do it

My eyes filled with tears

Hardened heart - a normal consequence or deviation from God's plan?

I thank God for the amazing frienship
He has gifted me,
I am always having fun
and nice time,
and always feel loved
and cared by you.
You must understand that
it's about you
when you read it :)

I am experiencing our friendship as a child
Happy and open
I just feel you accept me the way I am
One day when I returned from you,
a funny thought came into my mind:
Every time we separate,
I feel "charged with love" :)

And then I understood
that true friendships
close friendships
can be not only in childhood
and teenage

I can find it now :)
God I trust, but
I must learn to trust people again
that they don't necessarily
have to let me down
...

My eyes rejoice in God's creations / Mano akys džiaugiasi tavo Kūrinija, Viešpatie

I was lucky today to work at home.
So I could rest well.

I woke up, however, with the pain in my stomach.
It was a difficult day yesterday, it felt as if all my energy was dragged out of me...

Sometimes I think I am too instable
because I let my emotions overrule me and mess up my plans.

On the other hand, I am learning
how much I depend on God's mercy and people's kindheartedness.

And that I still need to learn just to love myself and accept myself the way I am :)

It is totally true that we can be the cruelest judges of ourselves.

I showed to my manager what I have done so far,
we've had a discussion in Dutch! and he was glad with my work.

But then we went to the meeting with the client
organization and the Head was speaking so fast while my task was to put

down the important items, to understand them and to direct him
in the direction what we need to hear and find out.

Which meant fast decision of what I should say and
formulating it precisely in Dutch.

Luckily, my manager was there. As I couldn't always understand
what Mart was telling.

I am grateful to God for this job, at this moment
it is an interesting challenge and rich learning, it will get better.

My stomach still aches, I don't have any painkillers.
But my mind sings a song. At first it came as a melody,

but later I could remember the words:
"Why so downcast, oh my soul? Put your hope in God,
Put your hope in God!"

Australia, Sydney, national park: Neringa.

Hey, girls, remember?

Yesterday... good intentions mixed with down feeling, thoughts attacking, a prayer with Ulrike, lost earring, bowling with Russian friends, smoke in my skin, O degree of productivity, a tale "Sniego karalienė" (1 part), a frozen heart...

Today... washing my head, new clothes :), parfume, service, Matthias' testimony, Anne-Sophie, new leaders, room 22X and Phyllis, Ulrike, Cha, Ajin & Ocha, Josien, a tale "Sniego karalienė" (2 part), dance & freedom, God has spoken: ice has melted down...

It was a wonderful journey, we've had a magnificent time together!!! God bless us all & fulfill Your beautiful beautiful plans in our lifes! Amen.

The photographer is the one who is missing (I). :)

Dangaus karalystės vartai užrakinti man šiandien?

"Aš - pasaulio šviesa.
Kas seka manimi,
nebevaikščios tamsybėse, bet
turės gyvenimo šviesą (Jn 8, 12)."

Alpstu tavo šviesos, Viešpatie,
mano Tėve, Sužadėtini ir Drauge!

Palaimink mano gyvenimą ir
darbą!

"Aš esu gyvybės duona!
Kas ateina pas mane,
niekuomet nebealks,
ir kas tiki mane,
niekuomet nebetrokš (Jn 6, 35)."

Pasotink ir pripildyk
mano fizinį ir dvasinį skrandžius!

"Iš tiesų sakau jums:
Jei nebūsite kaip vaikai,
neįeisite į dangaus karalystę (Lk 18, 17)."

Viešpatie, mokyk ir mokyk
mane būti vaiku,
nesigėdyti gerumo,
nesidrovėti meilės,
neužkietinti širdies...

Fotografuota Neringos.

Užtamsinta šviesa

Šviesos sodrumoj
apsilanko šešėliai

Sniego karalienė
gyva ne tik pasakose

Nekviesta ... varoma
atėjo ir įsirangė

Mano kambary
ant lovos atsisėdo

"Nebėra ir mano Kajaus"
niekados nebuvo

Man jau reikia eiti
reikia bėgti

Tik kurion kryptin
ir kodėl

Laidotuvėm kvepia
Širdis užšalo

"Gyvas tavo Kajus,
bet jis tave pamiršo"

Nuotrauka daryta Neringos.

Short reflection / trumpučiai pamąstymai

I always thought love would bring me happiness,
I think I was looking for it
as a finally deserved present
after the deep & long suffering,
I expected it to shine through all the bad times
keeping me warm as the Sun,-
I was wrong.

I am learning more and more
that one can find happiness not related to love.
And love can hurt so much.
Or maybe not love, but people.
Maybe it's more precise to say
that to the ones we love,
we give the biggest power to hurt us.

Thus, love does not bring you happiness,
(at least not for me :)
it transcends your boundaries
and teaches you to be sensitive
and to truly care for the other.

Sydney. Opera House from Neringa.

Dreams (big) sometimes come reality :)

My good friend and ex-room mate finally could achieve her dream: to study in Australia.

So she is living now as you see with cangaroos and coalas :)













I keep on praying for you, Neringa!
Telaimina tave Dievas, Neringa!

Lai tavo kelias būna tiesus ir smėlėtas,
o saulė šildo savais spinduliais...